


Time to Pretend

by simpsons



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band), One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Normal High School, Disorders, Drugs, Gay, High School, M/M, OCD, Realistic, Smut, Soccer, larry - Freeform, the truth, ziall, ziam
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-26
Updated: 2016-06-28
Packaged: 2018-03-03 15:38:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 15
Words: 20,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2856158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/simpsons/pseuds/simpsons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn Malik, ever since he was a young boy, has worked so hard to fit in and become what the people around him wanted to see. He's had to battle with himself along with his OCD to become the perfect, normal teenager. Once the boy finally gets all he thought he wanted, he comes to find that it's nothing he needed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Disclaimer

Disclaimers:

Okay, when I first started to write this it was originally made with different characters, but I’m changing things so it can be a Zayn and Niall story.

This is hardly a lovestory or even a story about love. There is romance woven into it, but the moral of the story is not about having a high school relationship.

I’m bad at updating so give me time.

There are going to be mature language and, most likely, mature content. Don’t read it if you’re under 14 years of age, or just skip over it.

This is 100% my work, but I first published it on a different writing site. Do not steal. If you’re going to repost the story onto a different Quotev story or on Wattpad or any other writing site, then please tell me and ask. Also, tell me if you’re using any of my plot ideas.

Do not report me for anything you read. I have warned you, if you decide to continue reading then that’s on your own terms. Enjoy.


	2. Introduction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just the basics, it will give you a general understanding so you don't go in blind. You can skip if you please. It's just the layout and really just a longer summary.

            Going to an elite, highly competitive private school never was the easiest thing for any student in Easton High. Every teenager who walked those halls had some parent with money dripping from their name, along with a life supply of arrogance to match it. The workload was so heavy that the kids all felt like they were swimming in it, but others seemed to be drowning. Along with the piles of homework, tests, and every essay known to man – CCOT, DBQ, comparative, name it and they have written it – people are also juggling extra-curriculums and sports, Easton High is always in Division I. There is a college acceptance rate of 100%; anyone who changes that is rumored to end up in a nameless grave. The teachers care more about the dress code and your posture than they care about your mental health. People are always walking into the school and touring to show what a promising school Easton High is and what amazing futures it’s giving to the students. These teenagers are so intelligent, but so brainwashed that their eyes have adjusted to see everything 2D as it appears in a textbook. Depth is the one thing that isn’t taught.

 

            Fitting in was never a problem for Zayn Malik. He’s smarter than anyone gives him credit for and he watches people, not in a stalker way, but he notices human attraction. When he was a young boy he used sit in class silently and watch his classmates, he realized what foolish acts made them laugh and all the things that made them cringe. Zayn never headed into anything without understanding a person first, he’s learned to manipulate people and change who he was in under a second so every person will love him. If he is to meet someone who’s shy then he tends to outgoing to make up for the confidence they lack. If he talks to someone who thinks highly of himself or herself then he acts timid and envious so the person he’s speaking to feels good. It’s not that he’s trying to lure people in or that he’s trying to lie about who he is – he’s not striving to become Prom King or class president. He simply does not want anyone to think anything negative about him. So Zayn watches every human closely to please them.

 

            Kids at Easton High are all into sports, soccer being one of the most popular to play in. Of course, Zayn Malik has a position in the school’s soccer team. Now these boys are not the typical jokes you hear about in movies; they aren’t struggling with grades or still learning the alphabet, but they’re sophisticated. The players are able to strategize everything that will happen on the field, and, most times, out smart the other team. Some students are very good players, but the routine is what really wins them the game. Zayn Malik is the co-captain, along with one of his best friend’s Austin Kendrick who has played soccer since he could walk.

 

            Everything runs smoothly at the high school. People know their place and their worth. The students hardly ever step out of the lines of conformity to be diverse in any way.


	3. Chapter One

            There is not one thing to love about it raining the first day of a new school year. Summer is coming to an end, which only means that drinking, smoking, and passing out with his best friend every night is over. For it to fucking rain on this day only fits how Zayn feels exactly about starting his junior year of high school. He parks his car in the very center of the parking lot, to appease his superstitions, and runs his fingers through his dark hair before pulling the hood of the Easton High hoodie he is wearing so lazily. Zayn always wears the same sweater for the first day of school ever since he was a tiny, innocent freshman; while he doesn’t understand this need for this tradition he still nearly cried thirty minutes earlier this morning when he couldn’t find his navy blue hoodie.

 

            Zayn opened up the left door, of the school’s front double doors, and made his way into the all-too-familiar lobby of the school. The same kids standing with the same people and laughing at the same shallow jokes; how wonderful it was to be back in the same old routine. Making his way over to his assigned locker, that he already dropped his stuff off days before even the new year’s orientation, and set his red and black backpack on the left hanger. Before the raven haired boy even had time to turn his body around he could feel someone grabbing his sides from behind and shaking them, followed by a roaring, “Malik!” _Danny Tellez_ , was all that Zayn thought. He turned around to be side hugged by his teammate, along with a low-hand high five from Austin. “We almost thought you weren’t coming, buttercup.”

 

            “Jus’ couldn’t stand bein’ away from your face ‘nother day,” Zayn replied halfheartedly, while smacking Danny on the cheek and stepping away from the tall boy’s arm the was still wrapped around his shoulders. Zayn grabbed his notebook out of his locker along with the book _The Road_ that they are going to start reading in American Literature, and he awkwardly steps closer into Austin before continuing to walk down the hallway.

 

            Sometimes Zayn would get really uncomfortable around Austin Kendrick, even though they had a very close friendship. He didn’t understand it, but when the blond haired boy would accidentally brush up against him or sometimes when they sat next to each other their knees would touch, and Zayn just would forget how to move for a second. He use to think that everyone just felt that away next to someone they were really close to, but he’s starting to think he must just have some anxiety problem that flares up randomly around Austin.

 

            After homeroom ends Zayn, Austin, and Danny head over to their English class. Zayn stands between the two boys and watches the people they pass while walking up the unheated school staircase. A couple holding hands, a girl struggling to hold all of her things, a boy who catches Zayn’s eye before Zayn caught his. (which was incredibly odd because no one else watched people from what he has seen in his years of observing.) The raven haired boy knew the curious one from somewhere, he knew that they have met one time or another, so Zayn leans over to Danny and asks him, “Is he new?” while gesturing his head over to the other blond haired boy.

            “No, no, that’s Niall. He’s been to a few parties we were at,” Danny replies, but not in the quiet voice that Zayn had been talking in to keep his question discreet. Instead, Niall had overheard Danny’s response and was almost smiling, Zayn could have sworn, at the conversation the two boys were having. Feeling sickeningly embarrassed over only that, Zayn lightly smacks the back of Danny Tellez’s head, causing the red headed boy to chuckle and push the shorter boy away.

 

            The three boys make their way into American Literature, greeted by the same dreadful teacher they had last year for British Literature. Mrs. Leroy didn’t believe in sitting down during class, so her whole room was free from desks and chairs, which only made the entirety of last year very hard to take tests and write down notes. Along with the bad conditions for writing, there was absolutely no way to sneak in a phone and drift away in class – everyone had to be paying attention the whole hour-long class period. While no student enjoyed being in Mrs. Leroy’s classroom, or even in her willy-nilly presence, no one ever failed or struggled in her class for this. Since there was only cheap, unwashed pillows for the kids to leisure on, Malik leaned against one of the walls along with Kendrick who was standing vertical to Zayn’s chest. A soft groan came from Austin’s lips before he shifted his weight to just barely be supported by Zayn. At that moment, with the bleach blond boy practically falling asleep on him, the now very nervous boy’s knees forgot how to work, causing Zayn to trip back a little. Luckily, there was another wall behind him to catch the fall before he could hit the floor.

 

            “Is all well, Mr. Malik?” Mrs. Leroy called from the front of her room near the huge white board that covered an entire wall. Zayn lightly nods his head to his teacher before standing up straighter and roughing out the edged on his shirt, moving slightly away from Austin, who was still chuckling over Zayn’s fall. “Splendid,” Leroy replies and then continues on, “as some of you know I’m Mrs. Leroy…” and she moves along with her introduction.

 

            After all the classes had ended, Zayn only seeing Niall once the whole day again in his AP Government class, Austin Kendrick arrives at the tanned skinned boys locker with both their soccer duffels on his shoulders. “Thanks,” Zayn muttered under his breath before taking the weight of his bag off the other boy’s body. “Are you ready for tryouts?”

 

            “Are you ready to finally be the ones choosing who makes it?” Kendrick replies to the question, lightly punching Malik’s chest. This would be the first year that Zayn and Austin didn’t have to tryout for the sport they have been playing since they were in elementary school. At the end of last year one senior was the captain of the team, Gage Stark, and he got all the other seniors to pick who they thought would best carry on as leaders for the team. Danny Tellez and a different junior at the time, Sean Pyle, were also the runner-ups to be the captain. In the end, though, Gage saw Austin and Zayn having the best team working skills out of all the boys, so they agreed to co-captain together. Zayn felt all summer that Danny had been shutting him out slightly for it.

 

            Once Malik had his athletic clothes on and drove himself over to the field, he greeted Kendrick who was already there setting up cones for the drills. “Where’s coach?” Kendrick lightly shrugs his shoulders and continues to move soccer balls all over the field for the players who were about to tryout. “I’m gonna fill up the up the water tank,” Zayn says to his concentrated friend, taking the water bin over to the house to let it fill up. When the raven-haired boy looks over his shoulder he sees some of the new recruits running over from the school over to the captains. He chuckles at the memory of him being a freshman and always being early for everything, when he now just slumps his shoulders everywhere he goes.

 

            Zayn sets the water tank back in its previous spot and points to one of the freshmen, “You, fill up water bottles for people.” He has to hold back his smile when a commanding voice natural comes out, but he does smirk at the young boy who urgently listens to his instructions. Zayn didn’t realize how good it felt to be in charge. The soccer boys were still pouring in, some new and others the same as last year. For the get-go he begins to see who is built to be what position and if they’re even strong enough to play at all. All the recruits are chatting and laughing with one another, at least all the ones who made the team before are goofing around; they are free from worry because they know what to expect and they know their chances. The younger ones, though, they were basically shaking in fear. In the back of the group of boys, Zayn saw the same dark blond hair he had seen earlier today. Standing worry-free in the back of the boys was Niall. Zayn thought for a second, skimming over his memories of last year’s tryouts while trying to figure out if the blue-eyed boy had been here before – he hasn’t. The raven-haired boy wants to believe that Niall’s trying out for him. Zayn clears his throat, “We’ll start in five, boys.”

 

            The coach, Zayn, and Austin have already ran all the boys through all the basics; drag & push, pullback, scissor, a chip, hip fake, zig zag. Zayn couldn’t help but keep a close eye on Niall as he attempted to do what everyone else was seemingly pretty good at doing. At one point Zayn even got onto the field to teach Niall how to properly dribble the soccer ball, which only caused for a facetious joke to come from Niall. It was maddeningly obvious how much Niall didn’t care about if he was going to make this team or not.

 

            After tryouts Kendrick had already made a list of six people from last year’s team who he thought has improved over summer. The coach already was picking positions for each person, but favoritism was woven in all of the decisions he was making. Zayn’s only opinion was Niall had to be there, even as a substitute. Once Coach C and Kendrick had picked all the positions and the players to watch them, with only little input from Malik, he speaks up, “I think Horan could make the team.”

 

            “Nah, the kid’s got no fight in him.”

 

            “Maybe he’s got no experience, but you should’ve heard what he said to me, Coach. I could tell he’s got knowledge on soccer and he’s clever as all hell. We could use that,” Malik argues to the coach. “He could just sit on the bench all games, I mean I started out on the bench and now I’m a captain.”

 

            “You cared about soccer, though. You at least made it look like you wanted to be out here,” Austin intervenes into the discussion, shaking his head. “He made it look like he was mocking all of us.”

 

            Malik shakes his head, crossing his arms over his chest, “He wouldn’t have just spent two hours out here if he didn’t care. That’s a waste of his time, not ours.”

 

            “Y’know, Malik, if you believe in this kid then so be it. We’re gunna have to pick a few half-ass players, might as well be one we got some faith in,” Coach C settles down the discussion, adding Niall’s name onto the rap sheet, along with five other substitutes that was agreed on.

 

            It wasn’t one hundred percent obvious to Zayn why he was so happy he won the argument to get Niall on the team, or even why he wanted the Irish boy to be there at all. He was rude to Zayn when all the tanned boy wanted was to teach him how kicking the ball was suppose to look. Though, when Coach C told him that he would accept Niall Horan as a team member, all Zayn wanted to do was teach the boy all the moves and how to do them.


	4. Chapter Two

            It is the annual “First Week of Training” soccer team party that Danny holds with all the people who makes the team in soccer, along with a handful of chicks. Since it is such a small amount of people compared to the usual turnout, only having about thirty-five people at most, it is seen as a get together at Danny’s parent’s pool house. The party is always supplied with a ton of alcohol, which only results in too many weird next morning conditions. A mess is always left, that takes Danny Tellez a good week and a half to get around to. Of course, the party is small, but it is still the event that everyone wants to be at, there is never one player who ever doesn’t go – it is suppose to be the official bonding moment for the team.

 

            Since the party is such a popular thing, Zayn Malik, obviously, doesn’t ever want to attending. “Maybe we can just throw our own party. The boys won’t even we’re missing,” Zayn argues to his best friend who is pulling on another shirt after he decided his other one is too dirty to wear. Austin only gives Zayn a weird look, silently telling the boy to shut up.

 

            “Man, maybe last year people wouldn’t have noticed, but now we’re captains? We’re probably gonna have to give a fucking speech,” Austin lightly teases his friend, who only scrunches up his face in discontent. “If that happens, I’ll speak and you can just look pretty.” With the roll of the eyes from Malik, he gets up and begins to change his clothes, making sure he turns his back from Kendrick.

 

            When the two captains arrive at the same house they have been a million times before, the party has already started and music can be heard from across the street where Kendrick has parked his car. Once they are inside the house, Zayn gets handed a drink from one of the new players there, while they are pushed along the crowd of people and into the kitchen. Outside the window above the sink Malik can see a bigger wave of people of in the backyard, drinking and jumping into the pool.

 

            “Big turn out,” someone beside Zayn mutters into his cup. The dark haired boy turns his head to see the same blond haired boy he had been watching every day from three o’clock to five o’clock after school.

 

            Niall is standing at the sink, next to the co-captain of the team, sipping on a red plastic cup and staring at Zayn who was staring outside. His white shirt hamging loose on his body, with only one white front pocket decorating it, and his pants are black and very, very skinny for Zayn’s taste – all together, it looked like Horan had thrown on anything he had found. Most people who come to the party have on those hipster outfits with some weird drawing or floral prints for their “frockets” (as the kids at Easton High called them) with some jogger for pants. Niall, though, he doesn’t seem to be following any fashion trends.

 

            “This is my first Easton High soccer ‘get together’, though,” Niall continues to try to carry on the conversation with Zayn, even while the other boy wasn’t really replying. “You good?” the shorter boy asks his teammate who is stuck staring at the blond’s collarbones that is easily shown in the white shirt he is wearing.

 

            Once Zayn shook out of the thoughts he was stuck in, he nods his head. “Yeah, yeah, I’m alright. It’s just that these parties just aren’t necessarily my thing.”

 

            “To be honest, I just thought it was gonna be the players sitting around and taking off their shirts. That’s a stretch, maybe – I guess I just hoped,” the teasing took Zayn off guard, causing him to straighten up and set his cup down. Niall notices how uncomfortable the situation now is, “Oh, sorry. I thought you were too…”

 

            “I was what too?”

           

            “Gay,” when this word drops from Niall’s mouth, it causes Zayn to take a step away from him with pure confusion written on my face. “Did you not know I’m gay, Zayn?” Zayn shakes his head in response. “Come on, I wouldn’t tryout for soccer if I didn’t know anything about it. I know you’ve noticed that I can play.”

 

            The dark haired boy lets his mouth hang open, shrugging up his shoulders and holding his arms up slightly, “I just thought you were a quick learner –”

 

            “No, it was a flirting tactic,” Niall cuts off Zayn before he can finish his word, getting slightly annoyed with the conversation, while filling up his beer with the keg. “A tactic I thought was working because of all the fucking attention you were giving me. Now I just look like a damn tool,” and with that, Niall walks out of the kitchen to go into the backyard.

 

            For awhile, Zayn just stands in the spot he is in, still confused about what Niall had just told him. _Does everyone think I’m gay?_ Anxiety floods his brain as he chugs down the last of what he was drinking. Grabbing a cup off one of the new recruits that is walking into the kitchen, downing that glass as well. Zayn makes his way into the living room, finding Kendrick and Tellez dancing around on the floor and the raven-haired boy, who is starting to feel the alcohol in him, jumps around crazily with his friends. In the mist of the people dancing to the music that was played on the radio way too much, Danny stops and grabs Zayn’s sleeve to pull him still. Grabbing his chin to force him to look over at the entrance of the house.

 

            “Dude, look at her,” Danny slurs into his friend’s ear. The party couldn’t have been more than an hour in and Danny is already drunk. He has a thing for drinking far too much at every possibility he can.

 

            The girl is hot, anyone could’ve agreed on that. Her hair is brown, but in the light it looks like it is as red as fire. Her shirt is cut short to see her belly button and her jeans are more rips than they are material. Zayn isn’t attracted to her, at all, but he likes the way she looks and that counts for something – to Zayn it does, at least. “Dibs,” the much more sober Zayn tells to Danny, drinking the last of what’s in his cup before walking over to the girl.


	5. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy this sucky filler

            The only reason anyone was awake in the house at this ungodly hour is because the sun has started to shine through the curtains that Zayn neglected to close while he was intoxicated and half-asleep. The last thing he remembers from the night he had was just little, vague pictures in his head. The main thing playing through his mind is Niall, though; but he wasn’t with or near Niall, he just remembers thinking about the Irish boy all night. Zayn remembers Danny, too, and how drunk he was, but more the fear of how much Danny was killing himself last night. There was more than one instant Zayn remembers of knocking a drink from is intoxicated, dancing friend’s hand and onto the floor. That’s it, though, that’s all that can be remembered from the party.

 

            The boy slowly picked his head off of the pillow, he already felt pounding in his ears just from that one, small action. He hasn’t even opened his eyes yet; it is like his eyelids are super glued together, so he squishes his eyes together before forcing them apart. The light is blinding, so the hung over boy just ends up covering his face again. Though, for the first time he can actually hear what is going on around him; the alarm-clock radio is quietly playing music next to him, the sound of water running is in the walls, and next to him there is someone ruffling around. When he turns his head and lets his eyes adjust to the new lighting, he sees the redheaded girl, beautiful girl from last night. The mysterious girl is buttoning up her pants when Zayn first notices her and as he watches her getting ready to bolt she begins tying up her scuffed up Converse.

 

            “Hey,” is all that Zayn can think to say.

 

            The sixteen-year-old boy has had hookups before; they’re basically routine for these types of parties. He’s never had the experience of actually seeing the other leave or the girl being awake when he’s about to leave. Though, Zayn never liked hookups. The first time he ever had sex, he was only fourteen, and it was at a party too – he woke up the next morning wanting to die. Ever since then he’s only grown to hate one night stands more and more, he always wishes his life unraveled in a different way.

 

            The lovely girl jumps at Zayn’s words, looking up to see him now awake. “Fuck, you scared me,” the girl, who looks maybe in the grade above Zayn, says in a very tired and scratchy voice. A laugh comes from her lips after a minute. “You look like shit.”

 

            “Feel like shit,” Zayn chuckles with her, putting his hands through his hair. “I’ve never seen you at school.”

 

            “New; transferred from King George… parents wanted me to graduate from a private school to look good for colleges, yanno?” The redhead babbles a little bit to herself. She takes a deep breath and looked up at Zayn again, grabbing her phone off the bed, quickly pressing her lips together when she sees that the boy isn’t going to respond. “Sorry, sorry, I get really awkward and I talk,” she laughs again, only it’s forced to lighten the mood. “I’m Rosie.”

 

            “I’m Zayn,” Zayn introduces himself with an obligatory smile before getting off the bed. He looks down at himself; his shirt and pants are off but he is still wearing his boxer shorts. “Uh, Rosie, what actually did we do last night?”

 

            Rosie took a deep breath in before letting it out and shaking her head, “Well, we were going to… yanno?” she explains awkwardly. She looks so innocent and cute, and the fact she isn’t going to say the word “sex” to someone who she might’ve had sex with proves that the picture fits the character. “And, yeah… but then when I tried to take off your boxers you started crying, so I started crying?” she makes it sound like a question, even though it is a statement, probably because she herself isn’t sure why they were crying together. “Then we just… started talking about all this personal stuff, and you went and got beers for us… half-naked… and we basically cried all night.”

 

            By this time Zayn has his mouth covered with his hand, completely shocked at what he was hearing. “What did I tell you, exactly?” half of him doesn’t want to know what his drunk self admitted.

 

            “That we couldn’t have sex because you think you’re gay, and you’re in love with your best friend.”

 

            Zayn stops breathing for a second, he is numb but then he is angry. He wants to throw himself around the room. He doesn’t even know if he is gay. He doesn’t even think about Austin Kendrick like that. He doesn’t. Until he realized he does. He does. He loves his best friend. Every time the two boy touch, Zayn stops functioning. If they change in front of each other, even in the locker room, Zayn turns away and peeks glances. When they talk, Zayn gets nervous. These are things that aren’t just “friendly.” Zayn loves Austin, and has since he was fourteen.

 

            “Oh god, oh god, oh god,” Zayn repeatedly whispers to himself at his realization, then quickly looks over at the confused girl. “Rosie, I know we don’t know each other that well. Actually, you probably know more about me than anyone else, but please don’t speak a word of this to anyone else. I don’t know what I was saying, and no one knows about this. Just lets keep it that way.”

 

            “You think I’m just gonna run around telling people’s drunk secrets?” Rosie half jokes with Zayn, while the boy smiles back slightly and shakes his head slowly. “Don’t worry about a thing, lover boy, I don’t really have friends to tell.”

 

            In that moment Zayn felt his heart sink, it’s not like he’s never felt alone either. Before Rosie left the room to make her way back home, they exchange numbers. Zayn in no way felt obligated to befriend Rosie, but he wanted to. He wanted that person to talk to and accept him and maybe help him figure a few things out. Plus, she’d be getting a friend back. It was a win-win situation, Zayn supposes.


	6. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: This chapter contains smut and sexual, graphic content. Read if you please, but do not report. You have been warned.

            It is about 1 o’clock in the afternoon, and Danny’s sleek black Audi pulls into Zayn’s long driveway, dropping off his friend with sunglasses covering his tired eyes, before the car disappears down into the road. The young, hung over boy makes his way up to his doorstep and slowly unlocks it. His house is silent, both of this parents must be at work, even though they only work at home in their separate offices. The Malik’s are a long line of lawyers, and that’s what Zayn is expected to grow up to be. You become a lawyer, you marry a lawyer, and you raise a lawyer. It is as simple as that. Every relative Zayn has is a lawyer or has some relation to the law. Because of this, the adults of the house are constantly busy at work, ignoring their son but still relentlessly pushing the kid to join the career path.

 

            Zayn can easily make it up to his room without being heard by either of his parents, once he’s safely locked up in the privacy of his bedroom he takes a long, warm shower. He begins to get dressed after, when he catches the image of himself in the mirror. To get a closer look, the teenage boy leans his palms against the sink and peers at himself for a few minutes, pulling back again to brush over his liquor-smelling teeth. Zayn walks himself out of the bathroom and grabs a magazine he has hidden inside one of the clothes drawers and turns on the radio on his dresser; finally he lays down onto the bed and flips through the pages of Playboy.

 

            Now, Zayn doesn’t ever just buy an erotic magazine for himself, he’s actually only ever found himself looking in it nearly eight months ago when Danny gave it to him as a gag birthday present. All those months back when he opened the bag to see the magazine, all that long ago for his sixteenth birthday, he remembers all his friends breaking into a fit of laughter, and Zayn laughed along with them, but he was very uncomfortable with the gift. He always thinks it is because his friend gave it to him, which is weird, right? Now he thinks of it, though, friends watch porn _together_ , so it looks like only Zayn is the awkward one here. Anyway, he’s never found a use for it. He looked at it because Danny _swore_ it was the hottest pornography his “baby eyes” will ever look at. Zayn never saw the big deal and still has yet to.

 

            It wasn’t like Zayn has never masturbated before, because he has – he has just never looked at porn while doing it, and he’s never _finished_ from doing it. The raven-haired boy always hear his friends talking about how amazing it felt to _finish_ , so he knows he’s weird for never getting there. He just began to believe that _it’s_ broken.

 

            While scanning his eyes over the women wearing different clothing – different costumes, better yet. He tries to touch himself, but he only feels uncomfortable, like the people in the magazines are watching what is happening. He looks at girls dressed as librarians, bunnies, sports players, some just lounging around naked – nothing really gets the confused boy going. Finally, Zayn finds a picture that interested him a tiny bit. It is a girl in a business suit, well that’s a bit overdoing it, the girl is wearing lingerie that looks like a business suit and next to her is a man pushing her down onto a conference desk. Zayn licks over his hand before slowly beginning to pump himself, trying to imagine himself in that situation. He closes his eyes and sees himself in the position of the man, getting ready to fuck the girl into the table. For awhile, Zayn believes that the image is actually working, until he realizes that he is imagining himself as the women instead of the man, with him begin bent over the table under the man while the Playboy guy pounds himself into the teenager. Jumping up from the position he is in, Zayn opens his eyes and pushes the magazine away from him. _Fucking hell_ is all Zayn could think about.

 

            After a few seconds of sitting silently on his bed, Zayn goes over to his desk and sits in front of his laptop. Googling pictures of a naked woman he finds the most attractive one of the bunch, along with a man he finds unbelievably attractive, then saving both images to his laptop so they can be opened up side-by-side. Zayn stares at the two images for a second, switching his eyes back and forth between the two images, attempting to see which one got him hotter.

 

            Again, Zayn starts to slowly pump his cock, staring intently now at the image of the women. Trying his hardest to make himself more than half-hard over the image. When Zayn realizes the only thing that is keeping him turned on is himself jacking off and not the actually picture, he then turns his attention to the image of the man. Immediately, out of habit almost, his hand begins to pump faster and harder at the sight of the gorgeous man. Zayn picks up every detail in the picture, from the soft bedding to the abs on the man to the position he is laying in. Everything about it turns Zayn on more and more; before Zayn knows it he is imaging himself over top of the nameless man and watching the adult moan under him.

 

            When Zayn hears one of his parents walking outside the hall of his room, the teenager slams his laptop closed and runs to his bathroom, starting to dress himself again and tying a hoddie around his waist to cover his boner and sunglasses to hide his hung over eyes. He opens his door right as his mother is about to knock. “Hey, mum, I’m gonna head over to Austin’s,” Zayn pecks his mom’s cheek and walks away before she can talk, running out to his own car.

 

            Once Zayn is inside of his car, he opens up the school’s directory on his phone, typing “Horan” in the search bar to find his home address, and then opening the house in Maps. He buckles himself up and starts driving down his street, thinking of everything he can to make his boner subside. It finally does when he thinks about the movie _Halloween_ , one of the scariest movies he has ever seen.

 

            The view of the Horan house finally comes into sight; it is only a small, simple house, not much to it and only one floor. Zayn parks his car on the side of the road and gets out of the drivers seat. Looking down at his pants to make sure all is well down there while he makes his way up to the front door, ringing the doorbell, while contemplating going back to his car before anyone can see him there. Before Zayn can put that plan into action, someone swings open the dark green door, and smiles widely down at the mysterious boy who is nervously biting his nails.

 

            “Hi, what can I do for ‘ya?” a thick Irish accent cheerfully greets Zayn. _His dad_ , Zayn guesss.

 

            “Oh, hi, I’m Zayn. I was wondering if Niall is home?”

 

            “Zayn? The soccer captain? Well, Niall will hate me for telling you this, but he won’t stop talking about you. Everyday I come home all I hear about it something amazing or funny you did in training. Thought the boy made you up!” Niall’s father babbles about his son for a minute, still smiling pleasantly. Hearing how much Niall talks about Zayn makes him blush slightly, only causing him to look away from the father. “He’s got quite the crush on you,” now Zayn is obviously blushing, and hating himself for it. “Well, I’m not going to keep you here talking to me any longer. Niall’s in his room, probably still sleeping, but I don’t think he’d mind if _you_ wake him up. Just the second door on the left, down that hall.”

 

            Zayn can feel his heart pounding, and he doesn’t know if it is because he is so nervous to talk to Niall about what happened just thirty minutes ago, or because he now knows Niall likes him. Sure, the young boy is aware, because of last night, that the blond wants to sleep with him, but he thought it is simply that. Plus, Zayn likes Austin, and he wasn’t one to like more than one person. He is confused; it is probably one of the most confusing days of his life.

 

            Once in front of the second door on the left, down the hall Mr. Horan pointed to, Zayn is definitely not ready to enter, but he has made it so far and he knows that he has to. He quietly knocks on the door, before building up the courage to knock louder.

 

            “Come in, dad,” a groggy, Irish voice calls out from inside.

 

            Even though Niall gave permission to his dad to come in, not technically anyone else, Zayn still forces himself to enter his room, turning the knob and walking into the dark, dirty room.

           

            It smells of Old Spice Original and cinnamon scented candles. The curtains are covering up the sun that dares try to show through the windows, and while it is dark, Zayn can still see from the little rays that were getting in. The walls are light gray with a few posters hanging up. On the ceiling above Niall’s bed is the rainbow LGBT tapestry nailed on all four corners to stay up. The room is also decorated with a map of the world, with certain nails pinned into the wall of specific places that means nothing to Zayn, but probably means everything to Niall. Zayn loves everything about the room, because it is so obvious that nothing in the room is there for needless decoration, everything means something special to Niall in some way.

 

            Finally, Zayn’s eyes falls onto the boy laying on his stomach on the bed, almost completely unconscious. Half of his toned body is dangling off the bed, and the covers are thrown all over the place. He is sleeping in only his underwear, and Zayn catches himself staring at the Irish boy’s back dimples.

 

            A groan escapes Niall’s mouth, pulling Zayn away from his thoughts. “Dad?” Niall again calls out for his dad who he assumes is the one who has entered and knocked on his door. “Whatcha need?”

 

            “It’s actually me, Zayn,” Zayn told the boy whom he is now standing only a foot away from. When Niall realizes what the words mean, he jumps awake very quickly, looking up to see the raven haired boy and then pulling up his sheets. “Yeah, you probably don’t want to see my after what happened yesterday and all, and I get that. I just thought you’d want to know that you were right about me being gay.”

 

            “Of course I was fucking right,” Niall spats at his teammate, rubbing his face with his hands. “You didn’t need to come to my house and wake me up for me to know that you were gay. Make out with all the hot redheads you want, do whatever, you still have grabbed my waist while doing a drill when I was doing everything completely right. You still have stared down my shirt because it hung loose. You still watch me walk pass you in halls. And the best yet? You’re still entirely infatuated with Kendrick. I know you’re gay. I’m good at this shit, Malik. Glad you finally caught on, though.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm too awkward to write smut, I swear.


	7. Chapter Five

            “It could just be a phase. Yanno, kids my age go through that all the time,” Zayn counters Niall’s argument again with something along the lines with ‘maybe it’s just for Austin’ and ‘it might pass,’ but the blond boy doesn’t believe a word that is coming from his teammates mouth. The two have been sitting at separate ends of Niall’s twin sized bed, discussing the not-so-new-to-Niall-but-super-new-to-Zayn discovery. The concept isn’t too hard to get, but the lad just can’t seem to understand how he can suddenly just realize this.  
   
            “Okay, look at it in the big picture; when you were younger and you hung around all the little boys in primary school, you only started liking girls because you saw all your friends doing it, I’m assuming,” Niall thinks out loud slowly, leaning closer to Zayn by laying his elbows onto his knees. The room is still dark, but the blond boy can still see the very  _pretty_  bloke in front of him. “So you liked your closest girl  _friend_ or the girl your best friend liked. Am I right? Because you didn’t understand why you never liked girls like the other guys did, so you pretended. Am I warm?”  
   
            There is a long silence in the room, before Zayn lightly shakes his head. “Ice cold. I didn’t have friends in primary school. I was – I was weird, to the say the least. I liked reading a ton, I read every book the teachers put in their room, so I’d have to start bringing in some. In between breaks of reading I’d watch my classmates. Like, actually,  _watch_ them, Niall,” he chuckles as he remembers how he use to act when he was smaller. “I’d observe them all. What made them weird, what made them cool, what cruel acts they did to people who didn’t fit in. I watched and I realized and I changed to be the person that everyone would envy.”  
   
            Again, on cue after each of the boys would talk, the room fell into silence. Zayn is staring at his jeans, picking at the stitching nervously; he is no longer staring at the admirable Irish boy and that’s how Niall knows that what he just heard was the only person to ever hear it. Lightly, the lad kicked his now saddened friend with his foot and gives him a gentle smile when their eyes met again. “I don’t envy you.”  
   
            A loud laugh erupted from Zayn, “Woah, thanks, Niall.”  
   
            “You know what I mean. I don’t envy what you’re going through or your past or what you’re feeling about yourself. You’re distraught because of this. I don’t envy you, Zayn Malik. Yeah, maybe I’m a little jealous of Zayn Malik the cool, great, hot soccer star, but he’s not you. Nah, he’s about as deep as a puddle. Not you, though. Not you.”  
   
            Zayn’s cheeks begin to turn into a dark red and he shrinks down further into the bed. “What am I then, Niall Horan?” the boy sitting across from him raised his eyes questioningly, so he continues further on. “Zayn Malik the super popular, drop dead gorgeous soccer master is a puddle, so what does that make me.”  
   
            “The entire universe and more,” Niall whispers over to the boy, and he feels his insides deflating and his pale face heating up.  _I’m fucked_ is the only thing playing in his mind, over and over again,  _so fucking fucked_. “Mate,” he quickly adds onto the end of his sentence, trying to ease up on the flirting the slightest bit, because the Irish lad knows how much Zayn cares for Austin. “Alright, let’s think back on this gay thing more; primary you forced yourself to believe you’re straight to fit in, right. What about secondary school?”  
   
            Before Zayn responds to the amounts of questions he is about to get, where he will be forced to admit how much he shoved his gay self into a box, he takes a deep breath.  _Fuck me_ , Zayn curses to himself.  
   
            In the middle of Niall picking at the older boys brain, there is a knock on his door, and even after Niall’s father is given permission to come in, he still gives the boys a second to “get ready” before entering. How okay Mr. Horan is with his son being gay is truly something to be jealous of. While Zayn was walking down the hallway when he first entered Niall’s house, he saw pictures on the wall of Jesus and crosses – his dad is defying a belief in his religion for the great love he has for his son. Now, Zayn’s family isn’t religious at all, but he still knows that being gay will never be something that his family will learn to be okay with – the Malik’s have a reputation to uphold that cannot be scuffed by something as  _foolish_  as nontraditional love.  
   
            “I brought you kids lunch before you have to run off to soccer training,” Mr. Horan says, bringing in two turkey and cheese sandwiches along with some creamy potato soup for the boys. A groan immediately escapes from Niall’s mouth as he looks over to his captain, who lightly shakes his head, agreeing to “nah” to practice. “Niall, just bring your dishes to the kitchen once you’re done, good luck. Nice meeting you, Zayn.”  
   
            “Nice meeting you, as well, Mr. Horan,” Zayn smiles nicely to the father as he makes his way out of the room, closing the door behind him. “God, you’re dad is amazing.”  
   
            Niall lightly nods his head, beginning to dig into the food for it is the first time he has eaten today and he needs to absorb the alcohol in his system. “No soccer today?”  
   
            “Nah, no one goes to the practice after the annual party. My first year, Austin and I learned that the humiliating way,” Zayn responds, also beginning to stuff his face with the food in front of him. Niall rolls his eyes at the mention of Kendrick, out of habit – he wants the past with Zayn that the other, heterosexual, unappreciative boy has.  
   
            “Well, then I’m taking you somewhere tonight,” Niall announcs to Zayn, who raises his eyebrow at the Irish lad. “ _Not_  as in a date. Slow your rolls, Malik.”  
   
            While Zayn still has no idea where and what Niall is going to take him to do this night, he is still excited for it. He is told that it is going to be the best place he’s ever be brought to and that he will feel right at home there. So, when Niall’s dad took his evening shift at their family diner, the two boys raids the kitchen for all the good food, and then fall asleep in bed. Since the bed is so tiny, and neither boy wants to make a horny, hung over, sleepy mistake, one boy is sleeping with his face at the foot of the bed, which s Zayn, of course. Instead of sleeping, though, Zayn only watches his new-found friend sleep, smiling when he begins talking while unconscious. From what the Irish boy is saying, Zayn could tell that his dreams are progressively turning into nightmares. He lightly kicks his friend to jolt him awake, but pretends to be asleep when Niall is fully awake, breathing heavily.  
   
            Zayn is facing away from Niall with his eyes closed, but he can tell from the lack of movement felt through the mattress that Niall is still sitting up and trying to get his breathing even again. Eventually, the Irish lad moves around to be laying with his head at the foot of the bed as well, only staring at his friend’s back. He begin tracing his fingers over Zayn’s shoulder and eventually pulling up his shirt to do it over his sides. The feeling is so calming and relaxing that the older boy slips into sleep, still having Niall’s chest pressed to his back.  
   
            When Niall wakes up from his sleep, he is still laying at the end of the bed, but Zayn is no longer in front of him. He slowly gets up and sees his friend going through his closet. In his hand lays an erotic male magazine. To save the tanned boy from embarrassment, Niall makes a few groaning sounds that signals he is waking up, causing Zayn to immediately jump. “Mornin’.”  
   
            “It’s seven o’clock at night,” Zayn retorts quickly, slowly putting the magazine back in its spot it was before. “Actually, Niall, can I have this? I only have one with chicks?” he pulls the booklet back out and holds it up for the other boy to see.  
   
            “Mate, where we’re going tonight you won’t need that.”


	8. Chapter Six

            The car radio is playing one of Niall’s personal mixed CD’s, songs that Zayn has never heard before. The car is driving down some street with multiple little chain stores along it, and the music makes the whole car feel at ease and happy. Each song has a relaxing, slow beat to it, but the lyrics are so raw and real – Niall has already promised Zayn that he’ll make one for him. It makes the older boy’s insides turn a little bit more, even though they are still in a knot from when he woke up a few hours ago with his arms wrapped around Niall.  
   
            Zayn still doesn’t know where the two boys are going, but he knows that it has something to do with alcohol, because Niall has told him to “eat up” because he doesn’t want him to get drunk too easily tonight. According to the Irish lad he is going to have to “keep his shit together.” Niall has let Zayn borrow one of his shirts, because he would be still wearing his classic hang over hoodie, but the boys found that they have very different clothing tastes. Finally, though, the raven-haired boy could settle for a black shirt with a random golden, lined design in the center.  
   
            “We’re here,” Niall eventually says over to his friend, pulling his car to a stop in a parking space along the curb. The boys unbuckle their seatbelts and Zayn leans forward in his seat to see the name of a building.  
   
            “Is this a club? I didn’t bring my fake I.D.”  
   
             _Phase 1_  is the name of nightclub they have arrived at, there is a faint sound of music playing from outside. The building looks quite normal from the outside, no one is hanging around the outside or looking like they are going to sell drugs to you. All there is to it is a neon sign that reads  _Phase 1_.  
   
            Niall shakes his head as he gets out of the car, motioning for Zayn to follow after him, “Nah, I got ya covered,” he heads along the side of the building before pulling out his phone and dialing a number, talking into the phone, “Hey, I’m here. Okay, thanks,” and then stuffing his phone into his pocket and turning to Zayn with a wide smile. “Ready for you life to begin?”  
   
            Before Zayn can respond to the odd question, an exit-no-enter door is being pushed opened, causing Niall to quickly grab it and hold it opened for his friend to enter first. That’s when another guy with the same smiling face greetx the two boys. His hair is feathery and pushed back out of his face, his cheekbones are nice and defined, and his stunning appearance makes Zayn feel a bit more awkward than before.  
   
            “Hey, Ni. Who’s this?” the man asks, his voice much deeper than a high schooler’s, so he is probably around twenty years old, Zayn guessed.  
   
            “This is Zayn. ‘Thought I’d show him around this side of town.”  
   
            Greetings go around, Zayn discovers the older boy’s name is Louis, and he’s nineteen, and he has a boyfriend, Harry, who’s eighteen and he shows up a little later than Niall and Zayn has. The four boys grab a table to all sit at, and Louis orders them all two shots each.  
   
            It isn’t until Zayn has cared to look around the club that he realizes where he’s at. Men are everywhere, only seeing one or two women on the dance floor and behind the bar. There are men kissing other guys, flirting, dancing with each other. Niall brought Zayn to a  _gay_  club. At first, Zayn is terribly embarrassed at this and doesn’t know how to react, but it’s also the first time in his life where he has been brought to a place so opened to this world of people. Everyone is so confident in here and no one is acting to be this or that way, because they all have pride for who they are. There are rainbow posters and streamers, things about LGBT people on the walls and famous men who are gay and successful. _Phase 1_  normalizes being gay, as it should be. Zayn isn’t embarrassed at all. He actually catches himself staring at guys who he finds attractive.  
   
            His attention is brought back to the table when he hears Harry talk about him in the conversation, drawing Zayn back. “So, Ni, where’d you pick this one up?” motioning his head to the raven-haired teen.  
   
            “Actually, he found me. Just wondering around lost, thinking he was straight,” Niall jokes towards his friend, lightly elbowing his side.  
   
            “Yeah, yeah. It’s all true. This is completely new to me,” Zayn admits, for the first time, proudly. He does belong here, he isn’t just psyching himself out any longer.  
   
            Louis raises his eyebrows questioningly at the younger boy, “You’ve never had a boyfriend?” Zayn shakes his head. “Never kissed a boy?” Again, the question receives a ‘no’ from the boy. “I think we need to change that, Niall.”  
   
            Immediately, Niall stands up straighter and gives a weird look over to Louis. “What? What do I have to do with this?”  
   
            “We’re gonna get someone in the club to fuck your friend, doofus,” Harry finishes out his boyfriends thought, laughing softly at how awkward and stiff Niall has suddenly become. A soft  _oh_  comes from the Irish boys mouth, but no one actually hears it over the music. “Okay, Zayn, take your pick.”  
   
            “Actually, Zayn likes someone right now,” Niall argues in protest of the idea out in play right now.  
   
            All eyes go to Zayn who lightly shrugs his shoulders and looks down at his empty shot glasses, “Yeah, but he’s straight as fuck. Plus, these guys in here are some that, well, yanno, might really want to be with me or kiss me, not just be my ‘mate,’” Zayn says pretty loudly, all for the last part where his voice falters every so slightly. He glances over at Niall who has his eyes narrowed at the older boy to watch him closely. “What I mean is Austin only cares to be my friend.”  
   
            “Good, because I have seen at least three guys staring at you, and you shouldn’t go to waste on a night like this,” Louis says loudly, completely ignoring the how the two boys are looking at each other right in front of him. “Where would you like to start?”  
   
            Slowly, Zayn pulls his eyes off of Niall and begins looking around the room, trying to find someone who isn’t already accompanied with someone else. He spots a guy at the bar who looks cute to Zayn, and nods his head over to the mystery guy. “What about him?”  
   
            The man looks maybe a year or two older than Niall, but he is much more muscular than the Irish boy, and seemingly taller. His hair is cut short, very short, with a slim face but a defined jawline. He has a very noticeable tattoo on one of his arms and his shirt is able to show how toned his back is.  _Yeah, I mean if you’re into that_ , Niall says to himself before listening in on the pointers Harry and Louis are giving to  _his_ friend on what to do and say. Finally, the raven-haired boy works up the courage to walk over to the, as of right now, nameless guy.  
   
            Zayn sits to the left of the dude he finds himself attracted to, and he sits silently, watching the bartender make drinks for other people and “trying” to catch him to ask for a drink, but keeps “failing” to get the attention. After Zayn’s third attempt, the man sitting to the right of him speaks up, “Need a little help?” A question to which Zayn shyly nods his head to. “What do you want? A beer? You got it. Hey, Tom? Yeah, one Stella, thanks.”  
   
            “Thank you,” Zayn smiles at the bartender, named Tom apparently, and then turns to the man sitting next to him. “I’m Zayn.”  
   
            “I’m Liam,” the man smiles widely to the younger boy to his right, bringing his drink to his mouth to sip at it. “You look a little young to be in here, Zayn.”  
   
            Moving his chair slightly closer to Liam, Zayn shrugs his shoulders and chugs his beer at the same time. “I can’t be too much younger than you, Liam,” he puts emphasis on his name. “You can’t be more than a year older than me.”  
   
            “I’m eighteen.”  
   
            “Hah, and I’m  _almost_  seventeen.”  
   
            The two boys exchange smiles, before Liam throws his head back to let the rest of the alcohol in his cup slide down his throat. They continue to laugh and tease with one another, Liam adding all the drinks they throw back onto his tab. Before the boys know it, two hours has passed, and Zayn’s friends that he’s left behind, are getting ready to leave, but Zayn still hasn’t gotten his first kiss yet. Niall doesn’t really seem to care about Liam and Zayn’s troubles, though, as he bickers at his friend to ‘ _get the hell on with it_.’  
   
            “Can I have your number?” Zayn quickly asks Liam, who he has actually began to become quite fond of in the moments of drinking and dancing around with the boy. The older boy has tried to kiss Zayn more than once, but he doesn’t know if he didn’t want to kiss Liam or if he didn’t want to kiss him in a bar, so he avoided the boy’s intoxicated lips for the past two hours.  
   
            Liam scribbles down a few numbers onto a napkin and slides it to Zayn before he starts getting dragged out of the club by Niall, who is taking out the keys to his car and walking out the way the two had been let in. Zayn is stumbling a bit from the amount he has drank, but Niall has been sobering up from the shots earlier night so he would be okay to drive his friend home.  
   
            Tonight didn’t go as Niall had expected, he guessed that Zayn could meet Harry and Louis and they’d do a few jello shots, but then when the couple wanted their privacy or a slow song came on and they would run to the dance floor, Niall and Zayn could be alone and talk. Maybe Zayn would admit stuff while being drunk and Niall would too, and it’d be nice and sweet like all those people would talk about. It didn’t happen that way, though. It was like any other night with his happy, in love friends. They’d drink, he’d watch the two flirt and he’d envy them. That is how tonight went; only tonight Niall couldn’t take his eyes off Liam and Zayn to see if they were going to run off into the bathroom and lock the door. He is jealous and angry and sober, nothing he likes to be, whatsoever.  
   
            Now, all Niall is hearing while he makes his way to his car is Zayn whining drunkenly behind him about missing out on his first kiss with a boy. As they get into the car Zayn is still talking about kissing Liam. When Niall pulles out of his parking spot it is still all he is hearing about; the  _damn_  kiss.  
   
            “Okay, Zayn, shut up now. I’m taking you home and I need your address.”  
   
            “Don’t take me there, please. What about my kiss?”  
   
            “Forget about your fucking kiss!” Niall explodes to the drunken boy next to him, letting off the steam he was building up. In all honesty, the only reason Zayn is still complaining about his kiss is because he hoped if he talks about it enough Niall would kiss him to shut up, but this isn’t a fairytale, and Niall doesn’t seem to want anything to do with him. “Okay, I’m sorry. If you really don’t want to go home you can crash at my place… I’ll sleep on the floor.


	9. Chapter Seven

            It is now well into one month of the school year and everything is going pretty well for all the students – that is grade wise. Zayn, as always, is top of his class between being let off easy for leading the soccer team to victory so many times and also how good his work ethic has become over all the years in the elite school, he’s doing well, if you are only to see his grades. Niall is also doing amazing in school, most of that credit goes to his brother Greg for leaving him all his notes, tests, and essays after he graduated from Easton High; Greg won valedictorian. As for Austin, he struggles a bit more than his other co-captain does, having a lower GPA, but he secretly is getting tutoring after soccer practices. That leaves Danny, who has started to hang around college kids recently, which only means he’s began to party and drink more than he already had. Progressively, his GPA is getting worse and worse, but that’s nothing his dad can’t fix with a little bargaining – as he’s done in the past.

 

            School isn’t the problem for Zayn Malik; never has been and he doubts it ever will be. No, what is making his life a huge mess right now is a few things. Firstly, he lost Liam’s number. After Niall had drove him to his house and he crashed in his friend’s bed, he thought he had safely left the napkin with Liam’s number in his back pocket, but he woke up and couldn’t find it anywhere. He checked Niall’s car, all over the boy’s room, but he was at a complete loss. He really did want to see if he turned out to like Liam like _that_ but now he will never get the chance. Secondly, Zayn got his first gay kiss, but it was with Sean Pyle while boy was drunk at a party, Zayn was only tipsy. He doesn’t know why he’s so upset over a little kiss, but he is, he just wanted his gay kiss to be with someone who is actually _gay_ , Niall told him to stop bitching about it, that not everyone lives in a fairytale. Finally, Austin Kendrick got himself a girlfriend, Samantha Reno, who he makes out with every day after training because she’s on the track team and she’s _always_ there. While Zayn has to put away all the equipment they use that day, he has to watch the dude he likes be hetero as fuck.

 

            So, going to practice today, and throwing all the other shit in Zayn’s life, really isn’t making him in the best mood this Friday. The end of the school day bell chimes, releasing the American Literature students from Mrs. Leroy’s classroom, and Zayn grabs his duffel and runs to the fields – thinking he can just change in his car, as he has before. He doesn’t even wait for his best friend Austin to go over with him, because his arms are already wrapped around _Sammy’s_ waist.

 

            When Malik gets to the field he begins setting up markers all around with the Coach C to prepare for the multiple drills they were going to have to do today, and he constantly looks over at the parking lot for either Austin or Niall to show up. Finally, one of his friends arrives at the scene, Niall, who has his shirt off and slung over his left shoulder. The boy always shows up to soccer practice about fifteen minutes early for sole purpose to be able to talk to Zayn a little bit, since they only have one class together. Niall never wears his shirt to practice, he stands around topless for a bit, until Coach C instructs him to “stop showing off” and the teenager is forced to put it on – every day, on cue, it happens, sometimes Zayn thinks he does it only for Zayn to see him and look at him (which he does, of course). Niall helps set up the practice drills, until Austin shows up, five minutes before the layers get here, earning a lecture from Coach C, which Zayn is half happy happens.

 

            Once all the soccer players have arrived to begin their practice, Austin gives the daily play-by-lay of how things are going to go. “Okay, today we’re going to start off with a few harder drills that Zayn will walk you all through in a moment. Don’t worry if you struggle with them, we all did at first. By Monday, though, we all got to be ready to kick some Lyon High ass!” this gets a rise out of all the boys on the field, for Lyon High is Easton High’s rival school, the players are always at each other’s throats and a little too violent on the field. “Then we’ll finish off the day with a _friendly_ game of scrimmage,” Austin finishes off, getting a few chuckles out of his team, because scrimmage is never friendly.

 

            Zayn starts showing his team how to run through all the drills, giving them all pointers to the best way to kick and where to step. After, he stands back and watches all the boys for a few minutes. Anyone can see how much progress the team is making; beginning to work better as a team, as well as gaining individual skill. In the beginning, no one could remember simple things like calling someone’s name when they kick to them or thinking in advance during a game on which move will effectively get them through a problem. Now though, they seemed as though the whole team has been together for years.

 

            “Niall, two steps then kick, not three steps. Stop using your non-dominant foot!” Zayn instructs his friend who is having a little trouble running through one of the drills. Niall flips off his couch, but follow his directions on what to do, giving him an extremely better result. Eventually, Zayn cuts into the drill Niall is working on, following behind him and continuing to fix his errors on what he is doing.

 

            The end of practice nears, and all the boys are tired from the workout they got today. They are broken up into teams for the scrimmage match, but Zayn grabs Niall’s arm and motions the younger boy to follow him, “A word?”

 

            Niall lays his hand on the taller boys chest, “Am I going to have to start fucking my way to the top, boss?” but he quickly drops the attitude when he sees the serious expression on his friends face. “Wait, what’s wrong?”

 

            “Run with me.”

 

            The two boys begin lightly jogging around the field, catching sight of the rest of the team in the game, some taking off their shirts to differentiate between their competitors and their teammates. Shirts and skins. Of course, Austin is a skins, his shirt laying down on the bench while he defends right midfield. Zayn watches his crush run around the field and be vocal to his team members. Niall elbows his friend, forcing his attention at the matter at hand. “If you’re kicking me off the team, just tell me. Rip it off like a Band-Aid.”

 

            This comment only receives a weird side glance from Zayn, “Why the fuck would you be kicked off the team?”

 

            “I don’t know, I’m not as good as the other boys, I guess.”

 

            All of a sudden, Niall is pushed off the sidelines of the soccer field and he’s rolling down a tiny hill that leads off the sports ground. At the top of the field stands Zayn who is laughing loudly at his friend whose front is in a lot of mud. “That’s what you get for thinking you’d get kicked off for needing a few more of practice.”

 

            Niall rolls onto his back and brings his knees up to his chest, tightly gripping his right ankle and groaning in agony. “Fuck, my ankle. I think you broke it.”

 

            In less than a second Zayn is down the hill and next to the young boy in pain, apologizing again and again. “Shit, I’m sorry. I’ve been pushed down that hill a thousand times and was never hurt by it. I wasn’t thinking. Here, let me help you up,” when he uses both of his hands to pull up his injured friend, that’s when he realizes.

 

            It is too late, though, because Niall has already pulled Zayn down into the muddy, wet grass next to him and rolls his body on top to pin down the much bigger boy. “That trick is, like, a thousand years old. How did you fall for it?”

 

            “The same way I fell for you, mate,” Zayn answers back, receiving a smack on the cheek from the boy above him, causing him to hold his now pink-ish skin. “Damn, I thought it was smooth,” after Zayn says that is the first time he realizes how close him and Niall are at the moment, suddenly causing his body to go stiff. “Get off me, we don’t want them to think we’re fucking, Niall.”

 

            With that, the two boys run back up the hill and continue on the track next to the field. “What were you going to tell me again?”

 

            Zayn thinks carefully before answering Niall, thinking about what he was going to say because the topic can easily take the wrong turn. “Well, you’re a great player, to start with. And you’ve told me that you played in secondary school, so you know the basics, but you’re missing a lot of technique. So, I don’t know… I’m willing you spend some time every day after practice to help you get better. You know you’re going to start off on the bench, but one day I want to see you beat Lyon High ass, as a friend and as your captain. I’ll help you, if you want me to.”

 

            “That’s it?” Niall asks his friend, who nods. “You made a big deal over _just_ that? Mate, fuck yeah I want to get better, and me getting to see your pretty face while doing it just makes it all the more while.”


	10. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Years, peeps.

            The game is currently tied; Lyon 3: Easton 3. The game is by far the hardest game the two teams has had to compete in awhile. Both teams not only has an amazing defense, but their offense doesn’t let anything pass them. Right now, Danny is injured, he took quite a hard fall when number 6 on the Lyon team stepped on the front of his foot “accidentally” while he was running, all the other substitutes are either tired or not ready for this game, which means Niall was taking Danny’s spot as left midfield. There is only four minutes left on the clock, and it is Easton High’s ball.

 

            Ever since Niall went in around ten minutes ago Zayn has been following him up closely, making sure that if he needs a hand he has one. The boys have been practicing soccer together more ever since Zayn made the proposition that his friend could use a little more help in soccer. It’s only been three days of extra training, but Niall has picked up the technique relatively quickly.

 

            On the right side of the field the ball is starting to be kicked around the feet of the offense, while the oposing team inches closer to Easton High’s goal. Zayn has to leave his spot a few feet behind Niall to go defend his goal. In the shuffle of all the legs, Zayn is successfully able to get the ball from Lyon High and begin to roll the ball away in the opposite direction it was just going. While he looks for someone in the offense position to take the ball and run it to the other side, he sees that Austin is being heavily guarded, along with the center midfield, a newbie, Jeffrey Davis. His only choice is to pass the ball over to Niall, who only has one Lyon player on him.

 

            When Niall is in posession of the ball, his mind seems to blank on what to do, but eventually he’s able to kick the ball through some players of the oposing team and follow up on his move – it was a drill that Zayn had showed him just two days ago. Niall then passes the ball to Davis, and for a minute the ball gets shuffled around the other half of the court from Zayn. The raven-haired boy watches as his friend is soon kicked the ball again and has to make another wuick decision; again making the right one. Niall kicks the ball to one of the forwards and is able to run around the line of defenders that has built up a wall between the player and his goal. Once he’s open again, the forward passes him the ball and Niall makes a shot into the goal, everyone watching as it goes in.

 

            On cue, all the Easton High players break into a loud uproar of cheering, with only one minute on the clock and the clock still running, it’s obvious that this game is theirs. Niall is playfully pushed around by a bunch of his players, who are congratulating him and praising him, and Niall is letting the sudden fame very obviosly sink. Before Zayn is able to run up the field and embrass his friend in a job well done, the referees whistles blow, telling all the boys to get back in positions. By now there is only thirty seconds left on the clock, and the only mission now is to keep the Lyon players off their half of the field, which shouldn’t be hard since it’s Easton High’s ball anyways.

 

            “Niall!” Zayn yells to his friend who has ran back into postion, his friend turns to him. “You’re amazing,” and with that comment Niall gave Zayn an award winning smile, and the first thought that came into Zayn’s mind is _I could kiss him right now_.

 

            The game starts, but is quickly over before anyone from Lyon’s team could even get their foot on the ball, and once the end of the game whistle blows, all the Easton players attack Niall into a huge, team hug. Zayn, obviously, joins in, but he’s nowhere close to his friend who just wants to have a one on one conversation with. Once the group huge slowly starts getting smaller and smaller, which takes a long time in Zayn’s mind, Niall is next occuied by his bother and his dad, which isn’t something Zayn is going to intervene into. If his parents came to his games then he would be doing nothing but talking to them, so instead he climbs into his car and drives over to the changing room a little ways down the road from the field.

 

            All the boys are going to be celebrating tonight, even though it’s a school night, and Niall is going to be the guest of honor for making the winning shot. If this is how it’s always going to be like, Zayn doesn’t know if he will ever be able to get a second alone with one of his closest friends. The boy decides on not going to the party tonight, and instead spends a long while in the shower while all the other boys are in the next room of the shower making plans for tonight. He knows when Niall has finally entered by the cheering his teammates suddenly make after the closing of a door.

 

            “Where’s Zayn?” Niall asks Austin Kendrick, who only shrugs his shoulders and goes back to the conversation on who’s bringing what to the party. From Niall’s knowledge, it’s just going to be weed and some other drugs at the party, because the boys don’t want to get too fucked if thy have school tomorrow, which Niall thought was ironic but didn’t say anything. William Sherman asks the guest of honor what he would like, since he gets first choice, and Niall just tells them “A shit ton of weed,” even though he doesn’t plan on going, he just does it for the approval of his team mates.

 

            The boys soon disperse after getting changed and deciding on a meeting time and place for the _small_ get together, that probably won’t end up just being small. Niall sticks around after everyone has left to start getting changed and relaxing on one of the benches. He doesn’t understand how resilient all the other boys are able to be after all that work they have to do on the field. The blond hears patters of someone’s feet on the tile floor of the locker room, and he turns his head to see Zayn Malik driing wet with only a towel wrapped around him. Niall jumps up at the sight of his friend who he has been waiting to get a chance to have a real conversation with.

 

            “Hey, I thought you left,” Niall states to the, technically naked lad, but he still makes his way over to him to hug him. “Did you see me? I won the game for us! And all the boys are bowing down to me. It’s any gay guy’s dream to watch a bunch of fit sports players getting on their knees to praise him,” he laughs at himself, expecting Zayn to laugh along with him, but the boy only opens up his locker. “Is something wrong?”

 

            “No, no. I’m happy for ya, mate.”

 

            Niall realizes that it’s the first time he’s ever seen Zayn without his shirt on; he always changes in his car before practice and goes straight home after, at Niall’s house Zayn went into the bathroom to change. It was confusing why the boy was trying to deserately to be seen like this, since Niall found it insanely appealing; he can probably stare at him all day if he was allowed to. He actually has to bite his tongue to stop from saying something about his fit he is.

 

            “Could you turn around while I change?” Niall nods his head and turns his back from the boy, still biting down on his tongue. He listened to the sound of fabric sliding against skin and _god_ this is killing him much more than it should. “You can look now,” Zayn said to his friend, and when he turns around he is unbelievably happy to see that his shirt is at least still off. That’s when the halfnaked boy pulls the blond into a hug and mumbles into his ear. “I’m proud of you,” and Niall eases up in the hug. He loved how soft Zayn’s skin is and how amazing he smells, and he doesn’t even care that he smells and feels like shit at this moment. He lays his hands flat against the tanned skin and gently rubs his hands over his back. He enjoys the feeling of his bare chest against Zayn’s bare chest so much. _Too_ much. “Truly, mate.”

           

            Niall nearly gagged at that. _Mate_. He knows that Zayn has Austin Kendrick to occupy his mind, but he hoped that he at least thinks about Niall too.


	11. Chapter Nine

Today Zayn has a free period before lunch, meaning he has two hours to spare before he’s expected to do anthing else. He decides that he’s going to drive himself over to a close gas station and pick up something to eat there rather than just buying the same old chicken bacon ranch sub from the cafeteria. He almosts asks Niall to join him, but atomately remembers that his friend is in Sanish class, so he just drives over on his own after signing himself out.

 

            The boy grabs two bags of chips, sweet teas, and sandwiches from inside the store, something for himself and something for his friend who is still locked away at school. While he’s headed back to his car, he runs into Austin who has Samantha wrapped around his waist. The two boys have drifted appart ever so slightly ever since _Sammy_ has entered into their lives, which hit Zayn harder than it hit his best friend of three years.

 

            “Hey, dude, what’s up?” Austin went through the obligatory greeting.

 

            “Nothing, just buying some lunch for Niall and myself,” Zayn replied back, then turning his head to look at the girl, but for no longer than two seconds. “Hi, Sam.”

 

            There is a second of awkward silence after Samantha greets Zayn back cheerfully, but then Austin speaks up again. “Well, Sam has to go make up a test here in a minute, wanna hangout after? It’s been awhile – I mean, Niall can tag along if he likes.”

 

            Zayn, though, doesn’t even hear the Niall part because his heart flutters a little bit at the thought of finally being alone with Austin again, even if it’s just hanging out as friends. “Yeah, yeah, that’d be awesome. I’ll put his food in his locker.”

 

            “Great, okay. Um, let’s meet up in the parking lot in like ten minutes?” Austin propositions, and Zayn agrees to it. With that, the couple walk into the gas station while Zayn makes his way back to his car, a little too eager.

 

            Putting  Niall’s lunch into his locker and also shooting him a text about where he’s going to be for lunch, Zayn runs back out to his car in the center of the parking lot. He finds himself biting at his nails and the skin around them – something the raven-haired lad only did when he is nervous. He finds it weird that he’s feeling so much anxiety about meeting up with one of his best friends, like they haven’t spent every lunch time together since freshman year. Now it is different. Back then, Zayn didn’t know that his feelings for the lad were “weird” or anything more than friendly. He gets now that he actually wants to be so much more than just friendly with the boy, and he could be if Austin isn’t such a raging heterosexual.

 

            Finally, Austin pulls up in the parking space next to Zayn, letting his girlfriend out before motioning for the other boy to come into his car. Calmly, the boy gets out of his car to join Kendrick in his, smiling at how warm the presence of being around him always has been and still is. The car radio is playing quietly, just some pop songs, but they still make Zayn smile for no real reason.

 

            “Where are we off to?”

 

            Honestly, the two boys can drive to China as long as they’re back before their next class begins it’s fine. It’s an upper classmen priviledge – if you have a car and get a sheet signed by your parents then you’re free to go. Granted, no one really uses the right other than for getting their food and, on occasion, to go home and sleep.

 

            “Wanna just go to your house?” Zayn asks, because Austin lived a few minutes away from the school. Austin nods his head and the two begin driving down the road.

 

            Once Zayn is back in the room he use to love being in more than his own, he takes a seat on the bed, looking around at the poster-less room that was decorated with nothing but the basic furniture plus some cool, high-tech devices like multiple Apple devices, headsets, and many video game systems. “Fifa?” Austin offers his guest a controller, who gladly takes it and leans his back against the wall while indulging himself in the scent of the room – it smelled like Austin and he’s not exactly sure how to put words to the smell.

 

            For the first time ever in being in Austin Kendrick’s room, Zayn realizes how much he doesn’t really enjoy it at all. It smells of his crush of serveral years, yeah, but that is all to it. It’s so clean, who’s room is just always this clean – always ready for guests to be over at any given time? Plus, there’s no personality to it; most of the things in it just makes him look like someone who’s defining characteristic is their amount of money. He much rather be spending his two hours right now in Niall’s room, it is so much more natrual and home-y feeling to it.

 

            Time starts passing, the boys exchanging jokes and eating their lunch. Zayn has never been too great at fifa, expecially not compared to Austin who never seems to not be playing the game.  Niall has finally gotten out of his Spanish class, so him and Zayn has begun texting nonstop, distracting Zayn’s attention from the game and Austin.

 

            “ _U bought me lunch? Who’s my bitch?_ ” Zayn recieves the text from Niall, causing him to smile and shake his head. Austin notices this.

 

            “Who’s that?”

 

            “Niall.”

 

            There’s quiet for a second, while Austin is constenrated on his game and switching off different players to make his team ever better. “You guys have gotten really close?” he says it like a question, even though it is a statement. Zayn nods his head and gives a quiet _yeah_. “So, are the rumors true?”

 

            Zayn begins to panic in that moment. _There are rumors?_ About what? Do people think that him and Niall are a thing? Have people figured out that Zayn is gay. Anxiety fills him, before he has to cool himself down to get the answer to all his questions. “What rumors?”

 

            “That he’s gay. I mean – it’s totally cool if he is. Just, it’s just some of the boys are like saying he stares too long in the locker room and shit like that. I don’t know, I haven’t seen him staring at anyone,” Austin says nonchalently, still focusing soley on his game. Zayn knows Austin isn’t anything close to homophobic since his closest cousin is gay. “Well, anyone but you, that is.”

 

            Again, Zayn freezes. He’s never noticed Niall staring at him, he knows because he watches Niall enough to know that he doesn’t. Austin is just confused, probably. Mixing up hanging out with staring, because Zayn would notice. Zayn would notice. “Yeah, he’s gay, actually. It’s not a big thing, though. He doesn’t stare at our boys; he’s gay not a perv,” he doesn’t even realize that he’s defending Niall until he has to stop himself from elaborating. “Yeah, don’t tell anyone, though. I don’t even know if I should be telling you. It’s not my buisness.”

 

            “Oh,” the dirty blond says after a second, pausing his game and turning around to look at his best friend. “Are you, then? Gay, I mean.”

 

            He answers too quickly. “No, no. No. I’m not.”


	12. Chapter Ten

            Things aren’t going great for Zayn Malik right now – he denied every question about his sexual orientation being anything but straight as a board that his best friend had thrown at him, but it made him feel so inedequite. He is still hiding who he is, not from himself anymore but from everyone. Halfway through the questions he contimlated just coming out and, well, coming out to Austin. It couldn’t have hurt, and he knows that if he told the boy not to tell anyone about the secret, then he wouldn’t. Then, though, then Zayn would have to look Austin right in the eyes and tell him that he does not car about him anymore than the  normal friend amount of liking someone, when he does. God, he so does.

           

            Even when Zayn can think of reasons upon reasons not to like Austin he still does. This is his list for far; Austin is straight, most importantly. He is the most two dimensional person Zayn has ever been presented with. He listens to pop music. He only cares about video games. He’s let money destroy him. He’s straight. Zayn has seen bluer eyes. (Yeah, Zayn doesn’t know how that one snuck onto his list.) He’s super terrible at reading analog clocks. He doesn’t like sea creatures. His laugh can’t make Zayn smile like someone else’s can.

 

            Fuck, Zayn just needs a drink. So, he makes his way down to _Phase 1_ not bothering himself to text Niall back and definetly not texting Austin back. Instead, he just shuts off his phone and tries to get to the club without any directions and with mostly general memory of the last, which was the first time, he has gone. He finally pulls into a spot at the curb near his destintation – it took a lot longer than he had planned, but he is at least here now.

 

            It is later into the night, 11:30 PM, so the club is a little bit busier at this time. Plus, it is a Saturday so a lot of people are off work tomorrow with no school to worry about. Zayn prays that Harry and Louis aren’t here to tell Niall about his whereabouts as he waits by the same exit door he had last time he was here. Eventually, someone exits the bar through that way, allowing Zayn to slip in before they drunken man can notice.

 

            He takes a seat at the bar and leans against the counter in front of him, letting his body finally relax as he orders a beer from the women bartender and smiles at her pleasantly when she stares at him a little too long, almost noticing that he is a little young. Instead, she drops and gets Zayn his beer without another thought, and goes on with her job.

 

            “Zayn?” a voice called from another side of the bar, the young boy turning to see someone he thought he’d never see again. “It’s Liam.”

 

            “No, yeah. Yeah, I remember your name,” Zayn gets out of his seat to hug the older boy presented in front of him. “Oh, sorry I didn’t call. I was very drunk and I lost your number, actually,” he laughs awkwardly at himself once he pulls away from Liam, who is wearing the same coat as he had worn a few Saturdays ago.

 

            Liam shakes his head quickly, letting Zayn release from his worries. “Don’t sweat it, when I woke up I was eighty percent sure I dreamt you up. I mean, you’re so pretty it’s surreal.”

 

            Like always, Zayn blushes at the boys words and lightly pushes him away jokingly. “Oh, please. Wanna sit?” Zayn points to an empty table close by, and Liam nods him head and takes a seat in one of the chairs, looking over to Zayn to wait for him to sit. “Do you come here often?”

 

            “I guess.Uh, my boyfriend dumped me the day before we met the first time, so since then I’ve been here a lot.”

 

            “Oh, shit,” Zayn mumbles before laying his hand on Liam’s wrist as a consoling gesture, which Zayn has always done without thinking anything of it, until now when he realizes how forward it must look. “I’m sorry about your breakup.”

 

            Instead of replying, Liam lays his hand on top of Zayn’s and changes the subject. “Do you want to come back to my place? I have beer much better than Stella,” the boy propostitions eagerly, and gets a little bit nervous once he’s finished speaking and has realized what he said. “You can say no, that was very not me to say, honestly.”

 

            “No, no. No, it’s okay. I’d… love some beer much better than Stella.”

 

            Now, Zayn has had sex a good amount of times in the last few years, but never has he ever done anything close to sexual with another guy. So, Liam holding his hand and walking him out to his car to have sex? It has to be one of the most nervous things he’s ever had to go through. Just like his first time having sex with a girl, he knew the basic but he has never actually preformed them or perfected them. Who is going to go on top? What if Zayn can’t get Liam hard enough? Is Zayn suppose to undress himself or is Liam going to do it? What kinks and turn ons does Liam have? What kinks and turn on does Zayn have? It is too much.

 

            Zayn wasn’t going to tell Liam he’s a virgin, fuck no. He isn’t going to want Zayn is he knows this is his first time.

 

            The car pulls to a stop in an apartment complex, Liam motioning for the boy next to him to get out. _Strathmore Apartments_. Zayn repeats the name over and over in his head as Liam walks the boy up two flights of stairs, remembering the name just in case. Once Liam has unlocked the door to his apartement, he watches Zayn as he looks all around the small studio room.

 

            “Yeah, it’s kind of messy… Sorry,” Liam walks himself into the kitchen area, pulling out two beers. “So, um, I have beer and I have drugs. I have some taffy, with marajuana in it, but I guess you knew that. And I have some ecstacy.”

 

            “I’ve never tried ecstacy.”

 

            “Okay, taffy then? It takes awhile to kick in and it tastes like shit, but it’s strong,” the older boy starts packing up the ecstacy pills away into a Ziploc container.

 

            “No, I want to try ecstacy, I mean,” Zayn says to Liam, standing from his seat and walking over to the kitchen, picking up the bag. He pulls himself onto the counter and grabs at Liam’s shirt to fit in between his legs. “Make me feel good.”

 

            Liam nearly chokes on air at the confiedence the pretty boy suddenly displays. Before he has time to even think about it, he’s taking the baggie from the boy in front of him and taking two pills from inside of it. He swallows one himself and then lays the other on Zayn’s tongue, who swallows it with a few chugs from the beer next to him. The room erupts into stillness for half a minute as the two try to use to the uncomfortable feeling they are in right now. Eventually, Zayn leans forward to kiss Liam, who is waiting for the younger boy to be positive about what might happen.

 

            Zayn knew all there is to know about the effects of ecstacy – he has plenty of friends who like to roll the dice and hope for the best when it comes to drugs. That’s why the maturing boy has done more than his fair share of research on different kinds or drugs, what to expect, how to get drugs out of someone’s system in case they take a lithal dosage. He knows that the only reason why he wants to take ecstacy tonight it to have all the bad feelings in him diminsh just for a few hours. Also, he wants Liam to think he’s amazing at having sex even if he isn’t. He knows that he’s getting himself into, he is trying not to be stupid about it, but he knows he’s being so, _so_ stupid.

 

            The make out eventually is moved over to Liam’s bed, with the covers and pillows already thrown all around the ends and the side. Zayn is on top of Liam, and he can tell the drugs have kicked in when the boy below him begins to moan at almost every movement he makes. Their clothing begins to slowly peel away, and Zayn follows his actions his kisses along Liam’s v-line. Finally, removing his boxers and suddenly feeling a rush of regret wash through him. His sober side knows that this is not where he wants to be right now, not doing this like _this_. Not that he isn’t physically attracted to Liam. God, does he want to do this with Liam, but Zayn has already ruined so many things like this in his life. His first kiss, his first gay kiss, his first time – maybe this one first time can be lovely with a person who thinks he’s lovely. That’s what he wants. Not being on drugs so he knows the other person will at least feel good when he’s unexerienced.

 

            “Liam… I don’t want to do this. I’m so sorry,” Zayn pulls away from the no longer moaning lad he’s straddling. After a second, he climbs off him and pulls on his shirt. “I’m really, really sorry. Okay?”

 

            “No, Zayn, it’s okay. Don’t sweat it,” he gave Zayn a nice and warm smile, and suddenly that’s how Zayn felt – warm. “Do you wanna sit and watch a movie, or do you need a ride?”

 

            “No, no. Yeah, I’m fine. I’m gonna go. Again, I’m sorry for me being like this, and all.”

 

            Once he was out of the room and walking, very quickly, down the hall to get to the front entrance, Zayn pulls out his phone and turns it back on. “Please, god, please go faster,” he starts tearing up and slapping his phone in attempt to load faster. He has never hated himself more than in this moment. Finally, his phone clicks on and the first thing the now sobbing boy does is dial a number and hold it to his ear. “Pick up, pick up, pick up.” No answer. He tried again. “Shit, please don’t be sleeping,” that’s when the ringing stops and a sleepy voice answers. “Please come pick me up, Niall. I fucked up and I need you.”


	13. Chapter Eleven

            Niall pulls up to the Strathmore Apartments, he is still on the phone is a weeping Zayn. He hasn’t let his high friend hang up the phone, in case he started having a panic attack or someone tried to kidnap him, but also just because Niall wants to talk to Zayn. To know he’s still okay and safe.

 

            Zayn was waiting outside of Liam’s apartment, knowing fully well that the man he nearly had sex with half an hour ago was watching him from the window. Like Niall, Liam was making sure the raven-haired boy got home in one piece. When Niall arrives, finally, Liam waves goodbye as Zayn makes his way to the light green car and climbs inside.

 

            “Thank you,” a shaken up Zayn mutters over to Niall. Zayn is avoiding all contact with the blond that he can. He is humiliated and sad. And he feels that Niall is only going to be disappointed with him, like a mother would be with a child with a bad report card.

 

            Niall shakes his head and breathes a sigh of relief, “Zayn…” He pauses, and Zayn cringes from the feeling that Niall is about to yell at him, but the blond doesn’t scold or lecture the high boy. Instead, Niall lightly grips Zayn’s hand and squeezes it. “I don’t care what time you call me. Or if you’re fucked up and if you fucked up. You’re my best fuckin’ friend. I’m always gonna help you. I’m glad I’m the one you called, and I’m the one you needed tonight. Okay? Look at me, Zayn,” Slowly, Zayn picks his head up to meet the warm blue eyes. “You can always call me.”

 

            Zayn licks his lips and nods his head slowly. “Can I sleep at your house tonight?”

 

            “Of course, you can have my bed.”

 

            Then Niall begins to drive, still holding Zayn’s hand loosely enough for the raven-haired boy to pull away if he wanted to, but he didn’t want to.

 

            The drive is quiet, the music is low and Zayn just leans his head against the window the entire ride, wanting desperately to just lay in Niall’s bed. The only thing really keeping Zayn’s head from going a million miles a second and stopped him from admitting everything to Niall right there was Niall’s soft humming to the music. Zayn just softly rubbed his thumb against Niall’s skin on his hand and listened to the beautiful sound of the humming, and he focused on just that. The colors of the streetlights and all the neon signs were still tripping Zayn out a little, but it wasn’t so bad anymore.

 

            Eventually, Niall pulls up to the very familiar house, and begins to open his door. But Zayn tugs on his hand to stop him. Niall closes the driver seat door again and furrows his brow, looking over to Zayn in the passenger seat. “You good?”

 

            Zayn doesn’t respond, all he does is stare at Niall. The soft skin of his cheeks, his messy bed head, his cute little button nose just calms Zayn for a minute a little more. Slowly helping his trip get even better. Then, taking in a deep breath, Zayn lets go of Niall’s hand and whispers, “You’re my best friend, too.”

 

            The two get out of the car and very quietly make their way into the house, tiptoeing into Niall’s room. It’s dark, but still it’s pleasant and one of Zayn’s favorite places.

 

            Zayn takes a seat on Niall’s bed and scrunches up the blankets into his chest, hugging them tightly and finally smiling. “They feel so good.”

 

            Niall chuckles, “Feeling better?” Zayn nods, and Niall takes a pillow from the bed and lays it on the floor. “Lets get to bed, mate.”

 

            “No, no. Please, sleep up here. With me,” the dark haired boy pleas, looking up at Niall who is standing only a few feet away from him. “I want to talk more, anyways.”

 

            Niall’s heart pounds a little faster as he moves his pillow back onto the bed, sitting down only a few inches from his still high friend. “What do you want to talk about?”

 

            “I want to be loved.”

 

            “What do you mean? Everyone loves you. All our teammates in soccer. Coach C. The teachers adore you. Liam, obviously, has a thing for you. Harry, Louis, me… And we can’t forget Kendrick.”

 

            All Zayn does is shake his head. “Niall, I’m so tired of feeling unlovable. Sure, people like what they think I am, but most of them don’t know I’m gay. What happens when they find out? That their captain is gay. A “cocksucker”. A _faggot_. What happens then? None of them know. None of them know who I really am.”

 

            Zayn has begun to tear up and is holding his hands over his face, not allowing Niall to look into his eyes. So, Niall lays his hands on Zayn’s wrists and shakes him very lightly. “Everyone who really loves you will continue, and always love you.”

 

            “What about my parents?”

 

            “They will never be ashamed of you, Zayn. You’re so smart and you’re going to be so successful. So what if you like dick? That doesn’t change a fuckin’ thing about who you are, mate,” Niall comforts his friend, who he hears chuckle a little. “Please look at me,” and Zayn does.

 

            The two boys stare at each other for a minute, before Zayn speaks up again. “I’m also tired of no men wanting me. I mean, Austin doesn’t fucking care about me that way. He hardly is my friend anymore. Why doesn’t he love me?”

 

            “Because he’s stupid? And straight. Zayn, you can’t expect him to just go gay. That’s not who he is. Just like no one can expect you to be straight. You gotta just let him be him and he will just let you be you. That’s how the world gotta be if we ever want to really be happy.”

 

            Zayn sighs and takes Niall’s hands in his, laying their intertwined fingers on Zayn’s lap.

 

            “You have to get over him, Zayn,” Niall mutters quietly. “Make room for other people who are just so fucking excited to see you and talk to you and lock eyes with you…” Niall says under his breath, catching Zayn’s eyes again. “Someone who gets nervous and happy from just holding your hand.”

 

            The room falls silent again, and all that is heard is Niall swallowing.

 

            “Please hold me while I sleep, Niall.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HATE the words cocksucker & faggot, but it's for the story.


	14. Chapter Twelve

            It was getting closer and closer to Halloween, so that meant practices have began to get colder and the day turned into night faster. Things have been weird since the night that Zayn got high off ecstasy, but the two young boys still hang out and still talk a lot, but not as often, that’s for sure. Though, now that Zayn knew that Austin thinks Zayn is gay, the raven-haired boy has made sure not to look, not to stare, and especially not to singly help Niall too much on the field. He’s just been treating the blond-haired boy like any other player. He even stopped with their daily after practice practices, just to completely eliminate any suspicions. 

 

            And while all this made perfect sense to Zayn to cut off all ties and relationships, it made no sense to Niall. At all. Whatsoever. It just left Niall hurt and confused. And, most importantly, feeling like a fucking idiot for being so open and suggestive to Zayn that night in his room when the other boy was high off his shit. Also, Niall is a bit more than just a little upset about the fact that Zayn still texts Liam, and has even met up with him after the incident that one night.

 

            Rosie even came back into the picture, the girl Zayn first ever admitted the gay thing to, even if he was drunk and wasn’t quite sure what he was saying or who he was saying it to. But Zayn remembered that Rosie said she had no friends, and right now Zayn is trying to make himself seem as lowkey and straight as possible, and he feels really lonely too right now; especially since he hasn’t been going to Phase 1 or hanging with Niall as much. Who better to use as a cover than a pretty girl who everyone saw him makeup with nearly two months prior?

 

            So Zayn has been hanging with Rosie and her small group of friends, one named Dean and the other named Rachel, who are one of those PDA couples who make everyone around them want to gag. It was nice for Rosie to have Zayn with her now, not having to watch Rachel and Dean make out all the time.

 

            Tonight was the epic Halloween party held at Austin’s house. It was annual, and his house was always parent free since Kendrick’s anniversary was November 1 they always were away during the spooky holiday. Lucky for every teenager in the world who celebrates Halloween, this year it fell on a Saturday so all the kids at Easton High were ready to get fucked up tonight. And Zayn decided to invite Rosie, just to add to the image he was keeping up with her.

 

            Like always, Zayn shows up before the party and brings Austin and his costumes, which is actually just two horse masks. One is a fucked up zombie horse and the other is a pretty, white unicorn. 

 

            “Fuck, you’re gonna make me be the unicorn, aren't you,” Austin groans when he sees the masks that Zayn brought with him.

 

            Zayn bites his lip and shakes his head, handing the Zombie Horse to his friend, “I think it would suit more if I was the unicorn,” Austin furrows his eyebrows at what Zayn just said. “Forget it. I’m gonna go mix a shitload of punch.”

 

            About three hours pass and it’s well into the party. Everyone is there; a lot more guests came than invited, which is always the routine with parties like this one. Danny is shit faced and flirting with some sophomores, Rosie is dancing in the mists of other jock’s girlfriends where a lot of the girls have accepted her because of her association to Zayn, and Austin and Zayn are sitting on a love seat and watching everyone while drinking some beers. Though, Zayn can’t keep his eyes off Niall who actually brought a guy with him to the party; one that Zayn has never met before. The blond and his friend are leaning against a wall, just talking and laughing and drinking a lot. Niall hasn’t once even glanced over at Zayn.

 

            “Are you okay, mate?” Austin asks Zayn, nudging his shoulder.

 

            “I’m fine. This is a great party, this is good beer…” Zayn’s voice trails off, even though it wasn't that loud to begin with.

 

            “I see you staring at him, you know. Who’s his friend?”

 

            Instead of responding, Zayn just stands up, takes off his mask, and makes his way (mostly stumbling) outside to Austin’s shed. He just wants a place away from all the noise and all that fucking flirtatious laughter coming from Niall’s mouth. He couldn’t even hear the Irish boy laugh, but he knew the sound well enough that his mind compensated for it.

 

            Austin enters the shed a few minutes after Zayn does, both their masks in his hands. “These masks were a good idea. No one noticed us, I know how you like that,” Austin tries to make conversation. “You know, maybe that’s why he didn’t talk to you at all; he couldn’t find you while you wearing this fucking bomb disguise,” his friend is trying to make the dark-haired boy feel better, but Zayn has already started tearing up.

 

            Zayn hates this feeling so much, he couldn’t stop thinking about Niall taking that other boy home and showing him his room. That room. Niall’s room. The room that Zayn loves so much more than Austin’s room or his own room or any fucking room in this world. And then the two would fuck and Niall would stop liking Zayn and stop texting Zayn and all the tiny, little things that the dark-haired boy held close to his heart would slip away. Like, waking up hungover in Niall’s bed to the sound of Mr. Horan knocking on the door with some food. Or, getting sent stupid memes that Zayn had to laugh to, because he imagined Niall laughing to them. Or, simply, Niall’s smell. All together, Zayn was hurting, and he needed Austin right now to understand the magnitude of what he was feeling. So, he finally said those tiny words that he thought would change everything. “I’m gay, Austin.”

 

            “I know…”

 

            “I like him.”

 

            “I know that, too.”

 

            There is only silence in the shed now, even with the sound of the blaring music from the house thirty feet away, it is still completely quiet in the shed. Austin drunkenly moves next to Zayn, who is leaned against the wall, and the two stare at each other for a second. Then, slowly and almost like a dream, Austin leans into Zayn and gently kisses him. Zayn doesn’t move a muscle at first, but eventually grips Austin’s hips and turns them around to pin Austin up against the unfinished walls of the shed. The kiss is awkward, because of how reluctant and unexperienced Austin seems to be, but the bleach blond boy still lays his hand against Zayn’s neck and continues the kiss. Actually, the one to pull away from it is Zayn, who steps away from the younger one.

 

            Zayn lays his hand on his own hips and licks over his lips, “What the _fuck_ , Austin?”

 

            “I knew you liked me, and I —,” but Zayn cuts him off.

 

            “Maybe two _fucking_ months ago that was what I wanted, but… You’re straight. And _dating_ Samantha!” Zayn sighs out of anger and rubs his hand, “And I have to get over you… To make room for someone who is nervous and happy to kiss me and hold my hand.”

 

            The room no longer feels so alone; Zayn doesn't feel as safe anymore with Austin in it. So he walks out and back to the party, grabbing two more beers and finding Rosie on the dance floor.


	15. Chapter Thirteen

            Zayn wakes up in Austin’s bed with his arm draped over Rosie, who is the little spoon and wake and scrolling through Twitter on her phone. He doesn't particularly remember falling asleep last night, but he remembers the kiss he shared with Austin and he remembers watching Niall’s date grope the Irish boy’s ass on the dance floor. 

 

            Uncomfortably, thinking about Niall and the mysterious boy, Zayn groans. This gets the attention of Rosie who turns around in Zayn’s arm and smiles brightly up at him. “We already have 78 likes on Instagram. Can you believe that?!” She is so happy, she can’t stop beaming her pretty smile at him. It makes the heartbroken boy feel a little better at this exact moment.

 

            “God, what drunken picture of me did you post?” Zayn questions he, groggy and rubbing his eyes. Rosie turns her screen to show him a picture of him sipping a beer out of a baby cup and Rosie hanging off his side with her hand laying neatly on his chest. Rosie is puckering her lips out and looking like a goddess who has perfected the pose, and Zayn is sticking his tongue out and rolling his eyes back into his head. The caption reads “every princess needs a noble stead” with the horse and princess emojis, the caption perfectly matching the costumes the two wore to the halloween party.

 

            “Cute, isn’t it?” Rosie asks, but she doesn’t expect an answer. She is far too obsessed with the picture to even care what Zayn might’ve thought about it. Still, though, Zayn agrees with her and begins to sit up, feeling suddenly dizzy. Before Zayn could even utter anything, Rosie speaks for him. “Austin is sleeping on the love seat downstairs, he thought he’d be a gentleman and let us crash here. Probably just being kind to make up for the stunt he pulled last night by kissing you,” her voice sounds annoyed, like she was angry for Zayn. 

 

            “And Ni —.”

 

            “You made a point to stay up later than Niall and Luke; you were fighting sleep to make sure they didn’t leave together or find a vacant room. The two are downstairs, too. Cuddling on the couch.”

 

            So Luke is his name. What a cliche fucking name. Could his parents not think of anything more original.

 

            It hurt Zayn knowing the two were cuddling, just proving his suspicions that they were in fact a thing. Actually, cuddling is almost worse than fucking. If they had sex, then that would be it and Niall could go back to Zayn. But cuddling meant caring, which meant a relationship. And a relationship meant Zayn is about to stay heartbroken and jealous.

 

            By the time Zayn and Rosie made their way downstairs, Niall and Luke were already gone. So Zayn just drives Rosie home and makes his way over to Blackstone Coffee Shop, where Liam is waiting for him. Zayn figures that if Niall can stop focusing himself on Zayn, then Zayn should be able to look at other guys too.

 

            Liam stands up when he sees Zayn, hugging him and peaking his lips very lightly; the older boy does it so gently, almost as if Liam is trying to do it without Zayn noticing the kiss. The two order coffee, Liam pays, and they take their seats in the corner of the cafe. 

 

            “It’s been too long,” Liam breaks the silence.

 

            Zayn chuckles lightly, “It’s been maybe a week and a half since the last time I’ve seen you.”

 

            “I was actually talking about the kiss. It’s been too long since I’ve gotten to kiss you,” there was a confidence to Liam’s voice, as well as an assertion that makes Zayn believe that he has practiced the line before he had arrived. “So, how about a real date? Not just coffee and _no_ drugs this time around. We can just… Get to know each other?” Liam is beginning to sound less confident, waiting for Zayn to respond, the older, more experienced boy seems vulnerable now and nervous. “I like you, Zayn. We’ve been texting and it’s been _really_ fun for me. I would like to see if, I don't know… It could be more than just texting a little every day.”

 

            After a minute of thinking about it, while listening to Liam babble a little, Zayn nods his head. “Yeah, yeah. I like you too. And I would…” his voice trails off for a second, trying to think of a word suitable for this kind of situation, since Zayn never has been the one asked on a date before. “… Love a date with you.”

 

            The coffee date ends after about an hour of sipping coffee and laughing, and immediately Zayn makes his way to Niall’s house. He greets Mr. Horan at the door, who seems a little weary about Zayn going into Niall’s room, which causes paranoia to spark through the tanned-boys body in a quick second. Though, Mr. Horan still gives Zayn the permission to knock on Niall’s door.

 

            Zayn knocks lightly on Niall’s door, calling from outside the room, “Hey, Niall, it’s Zayn.” There is a silence for a long time, so long that Zayn is about ready to give up waiting and make his way back to his car to go home. Though, a second before Zayn turns on his heals, he hears a deeper, but still familiar, Irish voice allowing him to enter.

 

            When Zayn walks in, the room is dark and he see the outline of Niall under the covers on the floor. Zayn slowly walks over to him and sits down next to the laying, hungover boy, and gently nudges him on his side. “Why are you on the floor?”

 

            “Too tired to make it to the bed,” a tired voice responds after a minute of silence. Zayn chuckles and peels away the blankets, which receives a groan from Niall. Slowly, Zayn slips his hands under the half-asleep boy, picking him up off the floor. Loosely, Niall wraps his hands around Zayn’s neck and cuddles up into the boy who’s carrying him to his bed. Once the blond is comfortable on his twin sized bed, Zayn brings him his blanket and lays down under it with his friend.

 

            “So, why was you dad so weird about me coming in?” Zayn whispers to Niall.

 

            Niall opens his eyes and looks over at Zayn, taking in a deep breath, “Well, I kind of told him that the reason you’ve been here less and I’ve been hanging around Luke more is because… You broke my heart. It was dumb, I was just sad and hurt about Liam, I guess.”

 

            Guilt washes over Zayn all of a sudden, because he didn’t realize how much he was hurting Niall by trying to prove he was straight to his team and from texting Liam still just so he could feel loved and from trying to make cooler, more socially accepted friends for the sake of his reputation. Zayn basically pushed Niall into Luke’s arms. And now Niall is cuddling with Luke, and Zayn is going on a date with Liam.

 

            “No, no. That’s... Fair, I guess,” Zayn whispers to Niall, gently kissing his forehead. “Wanna cuddle?” This is answered with a slow nodding of Niall’s head, so Zayn turns over and Niall spoons him. Zayn loved that Niall always wanted to be the big spoon, it made him feel safe and protected and Niall would kiss his shoulders. It was perfect and comfortable and sweet, and just what Zayn needed.


End file.
